Grass Roots to Glory - Game 2: Forest Green Rovers 2-1 Eastleigh F.C.

When it was agreed with the boys that our next ‘Grass Roots to Glory’ trip was to be The New Lawn for Forest Green Rovers versus Eastleigh, the only controversy we could comprehend would be heated debate amongst the home fans about the availability of quails’ eggs in the local Waitrose.

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Article by Tom Burford & Brian Ennion

We’d all been made aware of Rovers’ chairman Dale Vince’s efforts to create and eco-friendly footballing experience for all fans and with a solar powered robot grass mower and the creation of the world’s first organic football pitch, the last place we’d expect an ill-tempered affair with controversial decisions, gamesmanship and borderline cheating from the pioneers of vegan football.

We we’re mob handed this week, with Brian, Jimmy and old school friend Ed (minus bucket hat) going to meet Alan (Tom’s Dad), ‘the 2 Malcs’ and Roy, all Eastleigh season ticket holders. We set off in Tom’s Honda Jazz which somehow managed to negotiate the rolling hills of Stroud without too many difficulties. We did nearly have a close encounter with the rear of a Ford Fiesta whilst Jimmy attempted a ‘car selfie’ before we’d even made it out of Swindon!

The drive was beautiful, and we’re sure Stroud and the surrounding area offers some beautiful scenic views. We are unable to comment unfortunately on those due to the consistent grey drizzle that stuck with us for the entire afternoon.

The New Lawn itself is situated on a hilltop on the Western fringes of Nailsworth, a beautiful town full of Cotswold stone and Real Ale! Marvellous!!

We arrived at the rather impressive looking ground, complete with vacant electric car charging sockets, just after 12pm and after deciding against walking back down the hill to find a pub into the town, we decided to chance our arm with the club bar and vegan menu!

The club bar is called ‘The Green Man’ and offers a wonderful choice of ales, lagers and ciders alike. Unfortunately when you drive, your selections are somewhat limited. Tom went for a San Miguel ‘0.0’.

Tom Long was the beer of choice, a ‘liquid, ruby delight’ as described by Brian our beer connoisseur for the day, and token vegetarian!

The meat-eaters among us shared rumbling bellies of scepticism about the menu, but finally caved when it was decided ‘just chips’ would be a sound option. We can very confidently say, that the chips with curry sauce were the best chips with curry sauce in the world. Well done Mr Vince.

We sat down to watch Hull hold Arsenal to a reasonably interesting 0-0 draw in the F.A. Cup, a result that Jimmy confidently explained to us ‘he knew that was going to happen’ along with his 1-0, 2-0, 3-0 and last minute Hull winner predictions. If only he’d had some money on!

Attention had swiftly turned Ed’s success in dating apps. After “giving up with tinder”, Ed has now settled down on ‘Plenty of Fish’ and seems to be having a lot more success. An unbelievable 5 matches were amassed in the space of the afternoon, but despite Tom’s encouragement that his wife wouldn’t mind if he bought one back, it was agreed that he shouldn’t rush things.

Alan was having his own technical issues, urgently requiring the WIFI code to check which teams he’d included in his accumulator, more on that later!

We then all entered a raffle, but I don’t recall any sort of draw being made.

It was game time, and we all strolled around to the North Terrace, glad to be shielded from the driving drizzle.

A minute applause was impeccably observed for Forest Green’s former matchday announcer Garry Mitchell.

A very dour first half, including multiple kicks into touch by Rovers keeper Arnold, was then

made miserable for 2 of our party who were told they couldn’t leave the ground for a quick ciggy. Tom chanced his arm protesting that he was only ‘vaping’, “I’m afraid not sir” he was told. Some supporters took this news a bit worse than we did, so we decided to make our way back to the stand and see how Ed was getting on with his hot dates!

Jimmy, who seemed to have employed himself as Ed’s relationship adviser for the day wanted to have a quick look at who Ed had matched with. We all watched his array of facial expressions before bursting into laughter when he said; ‘urghhh, look at the state of her bedroom! She’s a no!’

The game all of a sudden sprang into life when Eastleigh striker James Constable fired a low right footed shot into the bottom corner of the goal from just outside the box. Much needed for the out of form Spitfires, sending the travelling support into raptures.

But Rovers were straight back into the game when eventual trouble-maker Jon ‘The Beast’ Parkin fired an exocet missile of a volley into the roof of the net. The whole ground, including Parkin himself by the look of surprise on his face, thought he was miles offside, but to the credit of the linesman, the highlights package provided on the Forest Green Rovers YouTube channel tells a very different story, showing Eastleigh’s left back looking to be taking some sort of standing nap.

Parkin took great relish in celebrating with gusto in front of the travelling support, who had made a mockery of his ‘well-fed’ appearance, sliding across the turf with his hand cupped around his ear.

Something that the officials did miss, as did the previously mentioned highlights package, was a coming together between Parkin and Eastleigh midfielder Ben Strevens. Luckily we’re here to tell you exactly what happened. Strevens used his slightly smaller body to block the run of Parkin which, if seen, could well have been given as a foul. What certainly was a foul was Parkin’s elbow and apparent punch in retaliation whilst his run on goal continued. A cheeky hack from Strevens also went unnoticed. Little did we know this off the ball incident would lead to carnage!

Parkin first put Forest Green 2-1 ahead with a goal that that bore a closer resemblance to a maul from a rugby match rather than anything you would expect to see in a game of football, with the ball squirming through a tangle of bodies from a corner. In fairness to the referee, there was that much pushing and shoving going on that it was difficult to identify any specific guilty party, but that didn’t make the sight of ‘The Beast’ gesticulating and ‘effing and jeffin’ any more acceptable to the onlookers in the away end, ensuring we knew that he’d scored twice.

The squabble with Strevens then came to a head during what appeared to be an exchange of verbals between the two players. It looked like it was something of nothing before Parkin went running to the referee to ‘dob him in’ as we said at school. It was hard to see from the stands, but later confirmation that the Eastleigh man had spat at Parkin meant that this fairly disgusting football match ended on a disgusting note.

So a pretty poor game ended in controversy and a bit of a fracas inside and outside of the ground between jubilant Rovers fans and outraged Eastleigh fans. Maybe they were getting red meat withdrawal symptoms, or maybe it was the fact that the away supporters coach was parked outside the main home stand. A point the management may want to consider!

The Green Man was closed after the game, so we drove to a wonderful pub in Stroud called The Clothiers Arms, where we watched Everton knock Bournemouth out of the cup. I treated myself to a nice pint of Butcombe, it was delicious!

Tom’s big highlight of the day was his 6 team accumulator scoop! A £50 win meant he was in profit on the day despite a match ticket, programme, pin badge, chips with curry sauce, two rounds of drinks and a bag of peanuts. We love cheap football!

We arrived back to the wives slightly merry, and ready for more pub action. Luckily Tom’s mum had made us all some rock cakes much to Brian’s delight!

But what of my Alan’s accumulator I hear you ask. We worked out all the legs had come in and he just needed a home win for Ross County to scoop the cash. We anxiously watched the yellow results band on Sky Sports News in The Steam Railway, Swindon which seemed to take an eternity to reach the Scottish Premiership. Ross won!

‘How much Al’?’ asked Brian. ‘£11!’ Dad shouted! We continued to sip our beer.

All in all, not a bad visit to Forest Green, good beer, decent food and nice fans. And if by any small chance you do have an electric car, don’t forger there is a charge point which will more than likely be available!

Forest Green’s next home game is against Grimsby Town on 4th March. Tickets range from £15-£17. Great value!

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