Big Brother is watching you

Article by e-Newcastle Correspondent Martin Black

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“He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.” ― George Orwell, 1984

So another newspaper has fallen foul of Big Brother. The Sunday Express stands accused by the Thought Police, for committing crimes against the State and has been exiled from the corridors of St James Park, joining the NCJ titles in banishment. Their offense; suggesting Pardew had one game to save his job.

Big Brother’s official statement begins;

“We consider it extremely poor practice for a newspaper to print such an article without first seeking comment or clarification from the Club. The article was completely untrue and we can only assume published for commercial reasons or as an attempt to unsettle and disrupt.”

“The article also created subsequent ill-informed and damaging coverage in other media outlets and across social media.”

All quite rich when you consider that Football News Direct, Ashley’s very own Ministry of Truth brought us the ridiculous exclusive that our club was preparing a bid for Wayne Rooney! Add to that the Recent Demba Ba story which the club has said to have distanced themselves from? In between there has been a catalogue of our players been hawked to different clubs.

This perfectly illustrates one of the Big Brother’s prime concepts; doublethink - the act of holding two contradictory thoughts in the mind simultaneously. Doublethink is part of newspeak, the method for controlling thought through language; doublethink is the method of directly controlling thought.

In example, for workers at the Records Department in the Ministry of Truth, doublethink means being able to falsify public records, and then believe in the new history that they themselves have just rewritten.

Welcome to Newspeak Direct.

The statement continues;

“To publish an article of such nature gives the profession of journalism a bad name. Journalists and newspapers which print such wholly inaccurate stories should be aware that there will be consequences for their actions. “

When will Ashley receive the consequences of his actions I wonder? And will it be us the fans that suffer them when it all finally blows up in his face?

The statement concludes;

“Newcastle United will not accept false, misleading, mischievous or inflammatory reporting such as this and will take appropriate action as and when necessary. To this end, Newcastle United can confirm that the Sunday Express is banned with immediate effect. This ban does not extend to the paper's sister publications, including the Daily Star, who made contact with the Club to check the validity of the story and accordingly did not publish it.”

Who will be next?

I’d like to leave you with a glimpse through the transfer window past, present and future in Ashley’s dark, dystopian 1984 style empire.

Cast:

Alan Pardew as Winston Smith

The ghost of Kinnear as O'Brien

Mike Ashley as Big Brother

Scene: Room 101

Kinnear has instructed Pardew in the state's true purpose; profit for Big Brother, and brutally schooled him in the principles of doublethink.

But to be completely rehabilitated Pardew has to be brought to Room 101, where Kinnear tells him he will be subjected to the "worst thing in the world", a torture designed especially around Pardew's own personal fears and phobias.

Pardew is eventually confronted by this unspeakable horror, Kinnear laughing hysterically holds a blank piece of paper to Pardew’s face. Pardew’s brave resistance breaks at this point, finally realising there never was a transfer target list. His subjugation now complete, Pardew is led away, gibbering to himself. He will eventually be nursed back to full health, so he can serve the remainder of his 8 year contract.

Meanwhile the pudgy, almost benevolent face of Ashley smiles gormlessly down from the screen in every room at St James. Whilst the screams of Pardew are drowned out by the incessant whirling of helicopter blades, air lifting a succession of cloned Andy Carroll’s and Yohan Cabaye’s off into the night’s sky.

Big Brother is watching you…

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