Liverpool FC: Is there anybody there?

Article by Red Phil

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Okay, we’ve seen another couple of days go by, the club’s cheque book is still in the drawer, the chief transfer negotiator is probably still dipping his toes into the water off the coast of Skegness and, basically, nothing of any interest to man or beast is happening that will impact upon Liverpool FC in the slightest.

That is unless you look at the transfer business supposedly (if you believe the rumours and press reports, which I tend NOT to believe, honestly) happening outside of the walls of Anfield and away from the chilly shore at Skegness . . .

It looks like potential Liverpool target – that is RUMOURED Liverpool transfer target – Charlie Austin, is apparently at the centre of a three-way transfer tussle between Chelsea, Newcastle and West Ham, so we can almost certainly scrub him from our list of possible new players. A season or three on the bench whilst on very good money or playing for either of two very mediocre clubs? What a choice! Then we’ve got Spurs supposedly after Cabaye, the former Newcastle player who now plays for PSG, and Trippier, of Burnley.

Both of these players have also been mooted as possible Liverpool signings but I think we can write them off as well . . . and we may as well consign any rumours about Micah Richards to the dustbin as well as he’s joining Villa!

On the hunt for new signings?

Lots of transfer activity but none of it connected to Liverpool! I hear our major transfer negotiator is now having a doze on his deckchair. He’s probably unaware yet that in the first few weeks of the next season we play Arsenal, United, City and Chelsea, all AWAY!!!!! Oh, and Spurs, away, for good measure! Never mind, we seem to be still in with a chance of getting Nathaniel Clyne, a full-back!

Just what we need when we can’t stop the opposition from scoring through crosses into our box, we can’t protect our atrocious back four – or back three depending upon which tactical head the manager has got on that particular day – we can’t create anything and we can’t stick the ball in the net even when a chance suddenly appears, normally from a defensive mistake! Just what we need, another full-back!

Our transfer negotiator possibly hasn’t remembered that, for several years, Inter Milan have been sniffing around Lucas, a player patently not good enough for Liverpool but who just might be what Inter are looking for. Now, Heaven forbid that I may be speaking out of turn here but if Inter don’t fancy taking Balotelli back, in part exchange for Kovacic, they just MIGHT take Lucas as part of the deal for Kovacic?????? Personally, I’d throw Balotelli into the deal as well, just for fun, but I’d do that in any deal to bring 2,000 toilet rolls to Anfield before what looks like being a long and potentially painful season. 2,000 toilet rolls? No, make that a single pack of Andrex, he’s not that good!

The worst outcome of all is that we end up keeping Balotelli AND Lucas and Kovacic goes elsewhere! He must be getting sick and tired of waiting for LFC to up their game and do something to finally seal a deal. It’s happened to many times before so we know the signs by now . . .

Hang on, the transfer negotiator has just grunted and turned over . . . don’t get too excited.

He’ll be unaware that Fulham have rejected an £8m bid for Patrick Roberts, the Liverpool FC-supporting NUT who would think all of his Christmases had come at once if the Reds woke from their slumbers and paid Fulham what he is worth. Young, English and brilliant . . . and we are making no effort to get him! For Heaven’s sake, he loves LFC, his parents love LFC and live in the city so what is not to like about signing one of the best young midfield talents in Britain?

United and Chelsea are probably putting a hundred million each into various skips, ready to pounce on a few world-class stars – possibly before our transfer negotiator has wiped the sleep from his eyes when his stomach tells him it is time to get up to go for some nosh. You can almost hear the hubbub in the United and Chelsea transfer departments, as well as at City and Arsenal, as lucrative offers are made, deals are finalized, wages agreed and shirt numbers offered to the players concerned. In our transfer department, a layer of dust is forming, a cobweb or two is moving slightly in the draught and nobody is manning the phone.

No doubt the phone did go, once, but it was somebody with an Asian-sounding voice telling us his name is Robert and he would like to talk to you about PPI!!!!!!

So, half the players we’ve been rumoured to be interested in are potentially close to signing for other clubs, Balotelli, Toure, Sakho, Lambert, Borini, Lucas, etc., are unbelievably STILL contracted to Liverpool FC, Firmino is obviously not on our radar, although United are after him, Vietto is seemingly not destined for Anfield even though he is being called the “next Aguerro” and looks amazing on You Tube, Benetke has more-or-less fallen off the list of potential signings – and bloody right after his Cup Final performance – and Kovacic is getting bored s***less waiting for LFC to go get him! Konoplyanka was a key target of ours a year or so ago and didn’t come here. Now he is apparently available on a free-transfer and STILL is no nearer coming here despite mentioning how much he likes the idea of playing for Liverpool!

Have we looked at Begovic or Butland? Obviously not. Could Everton’s Stones be on his way to Anfield? Apparently not. How about Pedro or Montoya of Barcelona? Highly doubtful, even though Montoya’s potential move here has supposedly been “imminent” for three months now and it is more than being in danger of getting boring hearing it repeated every few weeks.

Let’s just hope the transfer negotiator is wide awake when the owners ask him why we did so few transfers and why we are ten points behind the top four clubs before the end of September! God, I’d love to be a fly on the wall at that little chat! “So, we could have got Vietto and Roberts, two of the best young players in Europe, and Firmino, the brilliant Brazilian, and we apparently didn’t even bid for them!!!!!!!!!!”

Mind you, we’ve always got the manager piping up with his views on the way forward for LFC after his disastrous season last year, to appease the worried Liverpool fans . . . but he obviously hasn’t had any views for the last month or so . . .

Just spotted two United transfer RUMOURS (yes, I know they are only rumours) which suggest they are set to complete deals worth £111m or £70m – depending which, if either, of the rumours you want to believe! If either of them were even partly correct, how are we supposed to catch them next year . . . unless they are spending all that dosh on a few of our ‘spare’ players, the names of whom are almost certainly known to you by now. Somehow, I can’t quite see that happening . . .

I can still dream . . . but why am I dreading Roberts and Firmino being part of any deals for them and not for us?

RED PHIL

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